Of Dreams and Hearts
by RedNotebook
Summary: One and a half plus one doesn't equal two. Sora shouldn't forget, but is he even trying to? Wake up, sleepyhead. Slight RikuxSora, SoraxKairi implications.


I'm an amateur writer, and this story is my baby. It's kind of weird, and a little confusing (it confuses me a little, and I wrote it). There's practically no slash (but slash fans are usually used to reading into subtext anyway). If you try and flame me for the practically nonexistent slash, I'm just going to laugh at you. If you flame _because_ the slash is nonexistent, that's a little more understandable. I'll still laugh at you anyway.

It's almost more SoraxRoxas than RikuxSora or even KairixSora, which is weird becuase I think of those two as brothers. Oh, well. I might as well admit this thing might as well be gen.

I do not own Kingdom Hearts, and only this idea belongs to me.

Happy reading!

* * *

The Islands haven't changed at all, are Sora's first dazed thoughts as Kairi drags them home and around Destiny Isles for the first few weeks. 

Kairi is happy to be helpful, and spends a good deal of her summer vacation pointing out random people to Sora and Riku, and explaining who they are. Sure, they go out to the play island practically every other day, but now they spend some time walking around the actual _town_ of Destiny Isles.

There's a cute little café with papou fruits painted all over the walls with green vines snaking around them to form little hearts. The place is never empty, but it's never busy; there's always at least one table that can just fit three available. The smoothies taste like they're made with actual fruit, and there are tons of pastries to choose from. Kairi's in love with a restaurant, and Riku and Sora are usually stuck paying the price for it with their allowance.

Today, Riku's on smoothie catering duty, and is dutifully waiting for their drinks by the counter as the by-now familiar employee works the blender. Kairi's rereading the little posters around the store as she sinks into her seat, humming to herself. Sora clears his throat and figures what the heck.

"Hey Kairi," he begins, and Kairi looks over at him with a smile and quirked eyebrow. He blushes, and she looks even more interested, straightening up and leaning in forward in entreaty.

"Well, I was wondering," Sora fumbles. "Do you…hear Naminé, sometimes? Does she talk to you?" For a second, Sora could swear he sees disappointment flash across his friend's face as she leans back a few inches, but it's gone so quickly it's easy to ignore.

"Naminé? Not really, Sora. In fact," she gave him a half grin that looked a little shamed, "It's kind of embarrassing, but I don't really remember she's there most of the time." The silence quickly turns uncomfortable as Sora looks incredulously over at her from across the table.

Sora couldn't forget Roxas's presence, his existence, if he _tried_. Ever since the first day back at the Islands he'd been aware of a weight somewhere in the back of his head. It had been easy to ignore at first, but occasionally there would be an alien brush in his mind, and the uncomfortable feeling of eyes peering through his own.

It didn't help that Riku could instantly recognize these times. How he did it Sora didn't know (because it was kind of creepy) but at least he wouldn't say anything about it directly. He'd just sit there and _bristle_, glaring not _at_ Sora, but _through_ him, and since Roxas hated Riku a whole bunch, he usually went away quickly after that.

If Kairi's noticed at all, Sora can't tell.

Kairi's rescued from the awkward silence as Sora stares dreamily at the ceiling, by Riku, who slams their drinks so hard on the table that Sora actually _jumps_ a few inches into the air. They sit there for the next half hour, sipping their drinks and talking about nothing.

Sora smiles and sticks in comments here and there, but it's mostly Kairi's show because Riku's too cool to participate overly much in mundane, everyday conversation, and Sora's mind is plainly somewhere else. Mostly on the monster headache that's beginning to bloom, spreading underneath his fingertips as he runs his fingers through his hair.

* * *

Sora dreams of Roxas screaming at him but he can't quite make out what his Other's trying to say. He hears, "Breaking, _stupid_!" before he tumbles off the couch and straight onto the carpet floor. Riku's sniggering in the background (even before the whole darkness incident, real laughter was never his thing) and for a moment he just lays there, inhaling carpet. 

And then he rolls over and sticks his tongue out at his best friend for being a jerkface. Riku just shakes his head and says there are pancakes in the kitchen when he's done eating carpet. Sora scowls, but it comes out as more of a pout as he scrambles to his feet, tangling in the blanket.

Kairi's there flipping pancakes and he remembers their super-special-slumber-movie-party of AWESOME from the night before. 'Transformers' is the greatest movie in the history of movies, he argues, and Riku shakes his head and mockingly tells him that Sora will always be the little boy who wants action figures for Christmas.

Only if they're a hundred feet tall and turn into giant robots of DEATH, Sora replies as Kairi laughs while she hands Sora his plate and the maple syrup. It surprised Sora how easy normality was to slip back into, like putting back on an old jacket that still fit.

It's a very good breakfast, and it's easy to ignore the shooting pain in his chest as he shovels pancake into his mouth while laughing with the two people he's scoured the very worlds for.

* * *

"Breakingstupidbreakingit'snotworkingwe'rebreakingwe'rebreakingwhat'reyougoingtodoaboutittheykeepontryingbut 

we'rebreakingwe'rebreakingwe'renotONE-"

It's late at night when he wakes up, clutching at his chest and gasping with wide open eyes. He can still hear Roxas's voice inside his head (and that is a _weird_ feeling), but it's all blurring together as the pain in his heart increases.

It feels like pieces of glass are trying to break their way out of his chest, and the yelling tells him that Roxas can probably feel it too. Except Roxas probably knows what's going on, and for half a second he thinks he does too, and then he forgets again.

He curls up into a ball of shaking and sweat; he feels like he's on fire with the pain. No, he corrects himself. The glass shards aren't trying to get out, they're burying themselves inside his heart and bruising it and _breaking_ it, and just as his voice joins Roxas's in a scream-

Sora blacks out.

The next morning, he has blueberry pancakes for breakfast and decides not to mention this to anyone. The weight that was Roxas is suspiciously absent, and Sora has a selfish moment of wanting to keep it that way.

* * *

_Sometimes…_

The three of them have gotten into the habit of waking up early and walking around the beach. No one else is ever there, and sometimes they talk, and sometimes they don't. Right now, Riku and Kairi are walking a few steps in front of him, laughing and shoving each other. He feels oddly disconnected.

Riku laughing and joking like that is…really strange. But not _bad_ strange, just weird strange. Riku hadn't been like that even before. Then after everything with the worlds, his best friend could zone out of a conversation at any time and sink into a sort of self-induced-darkness-depression-wallow-session-thing.

But anything that had to do with either of his friends being happy was a good thing, whether he understands the happiness or not. He looks back at them, unsure of when he looked away, and for a moment Kairi's hair looks gold in the sunlight. He blinks and it's gone.

"Sora! What are you thinking about?" Kairi's looking at him expectantly and he shrugs. He doesn't even remember anymore.

Since he's Sora he jogs up and joins their conversation with a broad grin as Riku punches his shoulder and he pretends for Kairi that he really does care about what Tidus said at Selphie's last birthday. He doesn't really, and for a second there's a niggling in the back of his mind that something isn't right.

But it's small and weak, and he forgets about it as he drowns in the warmth in Kairi's smile and the trust in Riku's eyes.

* * *

_…In the mornin__g…_

They run into Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus one day at the play island, and soon all six of them are lounging at the place where he and Riku used to have all their duels. Tidus and Wakka were messing around with a blitz ball, until Wakka accidentally slams the ball a little too fast and Tidus reacts a little too slow, which adds up to a blooming black eye that stands out against his tanned face.

Selphie fusses over him while Wakka stands to the side and tries to apologize. Tidus just grins under Selphie's nursing attempts and waves a dismissive hand. The three of them run off back to the main island for some ice, waving goodbye to the remaining trio.

With them leaves a lot of the sound, and so it is that the two keybearers and a princess of heart sit in a peaceful silence while the sky turns pink. Riku's reclining on that convenient palm tree, wind running through his hair, to all appearances taking a short nap. Kairi is sitting up beside him, head on her hands as she dreamily gazes at the clouds blowing across the sky.

And Sora, the keyblade master and savior of the worlds, rests against the base of the tree a few feet away, also with his eyes closed shut as he listens to the sound of the ocean. After sitting there long enough, he can imagine he hears a familiar voice calling out to him.

_Sora…_

"There's supposed to be a storm this week," Kairi says softly (and hers was the voice the sea had borrowed Sora realizes with a jolt) still staring at the sky as streaks of purple and yellow shot through it. Riku grunts a reply and Sora doesn't answer at all. "It's supposed to be pretty bad." But her voice doesn't reflect any concern, and to Sora it's a distant echo from someone far away.

"It's nice," she continues, even more softly. "Being together like this." And Sora cracks an eye open to look at her, just to make sure, and there isn't a streak of blond in her red hair rustling in the breeze.

"It's great," he says just to say something, and they lapse back into silence. Sora used to be able to see the effects of heartless Ansem in Riku; not the actual heartless, but when he used to look in his best friend's haunted eyes and careful movements he saw the imprint of his defeated enemy. That shadow's completely gone now, and Sora thinks he's glad.

When Sora holds something- usually a pencil- in his left hand, sometimes without thinking he moves to twirl the keyblade in his right. He's also acquired this strange taste for salt and ice cream (he's not to point of trying to combine them together but he's getting close). It's little things that make him think that Roxas is probably still there, even if he can't feel him.

So now he gazes up at the dark sky and the bright stars and wonders if Kairi ever wakes up in the morning after a good night's sleep and accidentally calls herself the wrong name.

* * *

_…I open my eyes…_

_Roxas is furious. Sora can see it in his eyes. They're back inside of Sora's heart, but the platform is different this time. Two halves of __a heart are__ in the very center, but the edges don't match up- they can't be fitted back together. He lifts his eyes back up to Roxas who stops pacing to glare at him. _

_"This is something Riku would pull. Not you," he starts, snarling. "I know what you're doing- it won't work. I wouldn't have thought you would pull something like this. But it won't work, it won't work. I won't let you forget!" _

_Apparently Roxas likes to repeat himself when angry, Sora thinks. He doesn't say anything (he doesn't even know what's going on), and a little bit of that anger turns into fear._

_"I don't want to disappear," his Other says like it's the biggest confession of his life, and Sora can only stare at him with a little confusion, and a little sadness. The platform snaps in two, and both of them fall into the darkness as _Sora opens his eyes.

Light is streaming through the windows and a slight breeze is weaving through his room, and as Sora gets out of bed he feels like he's forgetting something very important.

* * *

_…from a dream…_

Sora can't sleep as the ceiling stretches out above him and rain and wind roars at his closed window. Kairi was right, and the storm had evolved into a full-fledged hurricane that had been assaulting Destiny Isles for well into the night.

Well, technically it was just very early morning, but at two a.m. it would still be dark outside even without the black and angry clouds covering up the sky. With a sigh, Sora decides sleep is impossible.

As Sora climbs out of his window and into the storm, he finds it's easy to ignore the stinging of raindrops slapping against his face and soaking into his pajamas. He also realizes that he forgot his shoes as his feet hit the ground, but Destiny Isles is a pretty clean place so there shouldn't be any broken glass or anything on the ground-

(a _pain in his chest, pain so s__harp__, burrowing into his heart, sharp like-_)

-and his feet lead him to the beach. A memory of a dream flashes before his eyes and when he squints into the torrent of waves and wind he thinks he can see Riku standing in the ocean, hand outstretched with an expectant smirk and hopeful eyes. When he blinks again the image is gone, washed away. The waves are huge.

(_a bottle drifting through the sea, waves buffeting it up and down, floating resolutely forward as it's carried by the strength of a young girl's heart searching for a boy with the sky in his eyes and the worlds on his shoulders)_

And suddenly he's staring at the ocean like he's never seen it before, drinking up the sight with wide blue eyes and a fluttering heart, and thinks, '_Twilight Town had nothing like this.'_

But he blinks again as water from the rain runs into his eyes and the thought is with the image-gone. Without thinking, he steps closer to the water, and walks into the rushing tide _because there's somewhere that he needs to go __back __to_

_Go__ back__ where? _

_Where?_

_…what?_

He's about to take another step so that his head will be firmly underwater when he suddenly freezes and thinks frantically to himself, _'What am I doing?'_

He tries to scatter back to shore as the current tries to drag him down, down into the ocean. Adrenaline is pumping through his veins like it hasn't since he's returned to the island, and he laughs at the familiar rush, until he nearly chokes on the salt water.

Almost desperately he performs the first maneuver that comes to mind- the Dodge Roll. And sure enough, the most basic technique of all saves his life and propels him out of the current and back onto the sand, choking and hacking for breath as he purges the liquid out of his lungs.

"What's going on?" he whispers, his body shuddering as all of a sudden the shock hits him. Suddenly, he's aware of the wind howling and shrieking in his ear in a way he hadn't been aware of since he had climbed out his window, aware of how cold the ocean water was, and most of all, aware of how the tiredness is sinking in his bones and making them heavy.

The darkness mixes into his vision and as he blacks out the wind's shrieks turn into a sound like a siren wailing.

* * *

_…that I just…_

"_I just heard. Is he going to be all right?"_

_"I think so. We can't really tell what's going on."_

_"Does Riku know? How's he taking it?"_

_"…"_

_"…we had to drag him from the room."_

_"Oh no."_

_"I'm sorry, Kairi. We're doing everything we can."_

_"I know you are. It's just…everything falls apart without Sora."_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"Please wake up, Sora. We need you."_

_

* * *

_

_...woke up from…_

Riku had been the one to find Sora at the beach and he had reportedly run back to his friend's house with Sora passed out in his arms. When Sora had came to, his mother, in a state of near tears, had told him that he'd been out for a week and three days.

'_A week and three days of summer vacation that I'll never get back,' _he had uncharacteristically snarked at the news, and endured a good (and admittedly well-deserved) scolding.

He hadn't been permitted to leave his bed for a couple days in case of a relapse, and Riku and Kairi had faithfully visited him every day. Selphie, Wakka, and Tidus visited sometimes too, but things usually turned awkward quickly, and they left before twenty minutes were up.

Apparently Riku had completely flipped out over seeing his friend in such a state, and Sora had a shadow following him for the first few days he was allowed up and about. Kairi didn't act any differently.

His life and death encounter with the sea had led to the occasional nightmares of drowning in an ocean (which was ironic, because of all his life and death encounters this one seemed the lamest), a voice instead of the wind shrieking in his ear and piercing mechanical wails sounding in the distance.

"_Sora!__ Sora! Wake up!" _And he does, shaking and shuddering with a hand over his heart. On the plus side, he no longer dreams of looking into a mirror and seeing Roxas stare hatefully back at him. Instead, Roxas is standing next to him, watching curiously.

_I underestimated you._

_

* * *

_

_…and for some reason…_

After a while his mother has to let him return to the beach again, and the three of them stroll and watch the waves. Summer vacation seems to stretch on forever and without end. Sora doesn't mind all that much.

When he looks out at the sea he can usually see a boat bobbing up and down on the waves. Sora has fallen into the habit of watching it float around the edge of the isles, never completely out of sight from the shore.

"You know," he mentions one day to Riku and Kairi as they lounge around in the sand. "I've never seen anyone get on it before." His two friends pause in their argument over what smoothie flavor was the best (or something like that) and look at him expectantly.

"Get on what?" Kairi asks first, looking at him with a mixture of kindness and curiosity. Riku just quirks an eyebrow next to her.

"That boat," he says, pointing to it. "I've never seen anyone get on it. Don't you wonder who owns it? And why are they sailing in it all the time?" Riku and Kairi exchange looks and shrug simultaneously.

"Does it matter?" his best friend asks flatly, eyes now moving to stare aimlessly at the clouds drifting across the sky.

"It's not like we're at the beach all the time," Kairi points out. "They probably walk around the town most of the time but we just don't recognize them." Sora squirms.

"I guess…" he says slowly. Kairi's looking over in the direction where the boat is, but she's not focused directly on it. He gets the strange feeling that she's not looking at the boat at all.

"I'm going to get on it," he announces. Riku and Kairi gave visible starts, and look at him like he's just announced that he's going to kick a kitten, not get on a boat, and immediately launch into protest. They make him promise not to try, and after a while he smiles and agrees and life goes on like before, Sora's momentary insanity forgotten.

Too bad neither of them thought to check behind Sora's back for crossed fingers.

* * *

_…even as I get out of bed…_

_They're back in Sora's heart and the platform they're standing on is different, but he can't tell how. Roxas stops his pacing for a second time and looks at him, but there's on__ly__ incredulousness in his gaze._

_"Do you know what you're doing?" he asks. "You'll never be the same after this. We'll never be the same after this. It's irreversible." Sora finds himself nodding his head slowly with a sincere smile blooming across his face as Roxas shakes his head in disbelief. _

_"You're crazy," he mutters, but then he looks at Sora again and the gaze softens to something like fondness and loyalty. "But you're a good Other," he says fiercely. "I'm…glad. __That things__ are going to turn out this way."_

_"We'll do it together," Sora says, the words coming automatically. "You exist just as much as me, after all. Neither of__ us has__ to disappear.__ Besides, isn't this the way things are supposed to be?__" Roxas shakes his head again._

_"I guess Riku was right about something," he says. "You really are something else. Hurry up and get us out of here." __Sora gives him a cheeky salute before he leaves._

* * *

_…I get the strangest feeling…_

When he wakes up he's not in his pajamas, but the outfit he had worn to trek around the worlds in, searching for his best friends and a mouse king.

Sora looks at himself in the hallway mirror (in _a_ mirror) for the first time that he can remember since he returned to the islands- and sees himself, but also sees Roxas next to the reflection in his Organization robes. His Other gives him a smirk and sardonic wave, and Sora sees the white and black bands on his fingers. Roxas is two things all in one.

To show just how mature Sora really is, he sticks out his tongue in retaliation, and of course reflection-Sora does the same thing. It looks like he's just sticking his tongue out at himself. The effect is totally ruined and Roxas laughs at him.

Sora gives his traitorous reflection and Roxas one last wave before he walks down the stairs and out the door, into the street. Now that he thinks about it, he's never seen the boat at any sort of dock, but he knows where to go just the same.

Sure, he might not have a clue why it's so important to get on the boat, but his heart knows. Sora's always known better than anybody else how to listen to its voice, and he's not going to stop now.

He starts off walking, but that isn't fast enough. He starts to run, and then goes faster, as fast as his feet and bright yellow shoes can take him. He reaches the islet where Riku had first disappeared into the darkness in record time, and the boat is waiting there. The words 'Excalibur' are carved into the sides, and it's a bit bigger than he had thought it would be.

Roxas is there too, leaning over the railing. He's still in his Organization robes, and a puzzling mix of apprehension and resignation is written on his face. But as Sora gets closer and looks into dark blue eyes, there's a bit of excitement too.

"I'm seeing you everywhere today!" Sora calls, wading through the water to stand next to the boat. "Hey, we're on a tropical island. Aren't those robes a little uncomfortable?"

"It's all about your state of mind," Roxas shoots back, offering Sora a hand. "That was a joke, but I don't think you remember enough to know that yet." Sora took it with a grin, clambering up the sides to the wooden deck.

"My heart remembers," he says proudly as he lands on the wood. "And that's enough, isn't it?" Roxas shakes his head again, dropping into speechlessness. However, his Other is used to that and gazes about the deck. What catches his eye first is this awesome looking steering wheel, and before he knows it he's standing in front of it, and putting his hands on it experimentally, spinning the wheel a few degrees back and forth.

Nothing happens, and Sora knows what's wrong. He turns and grins invitingly at Roxas, and waves him over. "Hey," he says. "Are you going to make me do this by myself?"

"You're not capable of doing anything by yourself," Roxas says (which is definitely not true), but takes the wheel with one hand and Sora does the same. Together they turn the boat around and into the sea, slowly sailing away from Destiny Isles.

"Hey, Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"How's the boat moving? There's not even a breeze."

"…you ask the dumbest questions."

"Hey!"

"Oh, just shut up and steer."

Destiny Isles is almost out of sight when Sora suddenly thinks of Kairi and Riku standing forlornly at the shore, staring out at an empty ocean. He almost turns the boat around when Roxas puts a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

"They're not really there, you know," he says awkwardly, eyes trying to convey a message. "You know that. They're waiting for you. You've kept everyone waiting a long time." And Sora looks at him and knows it's true.

So they keep sailing, and eventually the islands are out of sight when Sora hears a sound like a dull roar, and sure enough there's a giant waterfall up ahead, the edge of Sora's world. The sound is nearly deafening as their little boat gets closer and closer to the edge.

"This is going to be fun," says Roxas, sounding sarcastic and resigned, but he can't hide his excitement from Sora because he feels it too, and he also feels a bit of the fear, because once they reach that waterfall, everything's going to change.

Just as they reach the waterfall, and the tip goes over the edge Sora's heart starts pounding and won't stop and he looks over at Roxas and knows that Roxas's half of their heart is doing the same.

"See you on the other side," Roxas says, and they grin at each other because they're doing this _together_. Then they're falling falling down off and out of the boat and into the air and they're falling falling _falling_-

Instead of meeting the rushing water, they fall down into the darkness and when Sora looks up he sees the platform he and Roxas had met on and the two halves of the same heart are going closer together, and the jagged edges of Sora and Roxas's heart match up perfectly and the stained glass shatters into a billion pieces and rains down on them, but that's okay because the two boys aren't there anymore because there's only one now.

Sora opens his eyes and he looks around for the first time in seven months and two days. He recognizes the room after a moment or two, and resolves to ask how he ended up in Radiant Garden. He looks around to spot Riku slumped in the most uncomfortable looking chair he's ever seen by the edge of the bed.

His friend isn't the vision of happiness that he had been in Sora's (very long) dream, and he gives his best friend a sad smile. If anything, he looks worse than before, and like he's been sitting by Sora's bedside the whole time (again).

He's Sora with a little bit of Roxas, and Riku is still is best friend. He wonders if he can use two keyblades now, but there's something more pressing to attend to first.

He pokes Riku awake and grins as disbelieving, blood-shot eyes stare into his own.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," Sora's unused-for-seven-months-and-two-days-voice croaks. "My raft looks so much cooler than yours."

_…that __I'm still asleep._

_**WAKE UP.**_

-

There it is! You're done.

If you're really confused, I can send you an explanation.

But you have to review first. If you don't I'll never get better. And that would be sad.

So review please?


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